Six questions for President Bush



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1. Mr. President, during your presidency Saddam Hussein failed to murder a single American. Some three thousand Americans were murdered by terrorists. Your pro-life platform implies that you believe that over the same period of time approximately 4 million American children were murdered in abortion facilities. Given those statistical realities, your ostensibly pro-life stance, and your duty to protect innocent American life and seek justice, why have you enacted policies in an inverse relation to the deliberate killing of Americans, with Iraq your first priority, al Qaeda your second, and abortion a distant third? Why haven't you exhibited the same zeal, steadfastness, and disregard for elite opinion in the fight against abortion, which you claim to regard as a crime, as you have in the war against Iraq?

2. Mr. President, prior to the invasion of Iraq I inferred that Iraq no longer possessed WMDs and lacked an active WMD program. I managed to figure that out by spending a few hours per week searching the Internet while dippin' Skoal. Indeed, it was obvious to me that Iraq did not possess WMDs. In light of that, and given your pre-invasion guarantee that Iraq had such weapons, it seems to follow that you are either dangerously incompetent or mendacious — you are either a fool or a liar. Either way, it seems you are not fit to be president. Do you care to comment?

3. Mr. President, you claimed pre-emptive war was morally justified because Saddam possessed biological and chemical weapons; used poison gas against innocent civilians; was on the verge of developing a nuclear capability; had links to terror; and oppressed, murdered, and neglected the rights of his own people. Interestingly, the United States is the only country to have used nuclear weapons in anger, and it has a well-documented history of supporting despots, dictators, strongmen, thugs, scoundrels, and terrorists, including Osama bin Laden and Saddam. According to your view of abortion, the U.S. government is complicit in the murder of 43 million unborn children. Finally, from a conservative perspective America is arguably the most decadent, irreligious, debauched, and irreverent society in modern history. Thus, it appears your criteria for pre-emptive war have been satisfied — by the United States! With that in mind do you think it would be morally permissible for another country that shares your views on abortion and war — a resurgent Holy Roman Empire, perhaps — to launch a pre-emptive invasion of the United States?

4. Mr. President, you and your conservative supporters famously object to big and ambitious government programs. Conservatives object to such programs at least in part because they consider the federal government incompetent, even dangerous. Thus, conservatives doubt the federal government's ability to, say, provide universal health care; some of your supporters even doubt the government's ability to deliver the mail. Remarkably, however, this skeptical attitude toward the federal government does not extend to Iraq. With that in mind, can you explain why the federal government is incapable of providing health care for Americans but is eminently capable of accomplishing such a massive undertaking as bringing enlightenment, liberty, and economic prosperity to the alien people of Iraq?

5. Mr. President, it is public knowledge that you think the occupation of Iraq is a noble endeavor and essential to American security. You are also on record praising the heroic sacrifices of "our men and women in uniform." It is also well known that your father volunteered for military service during World War II. Your secretary of defense and your most enthusiastic supporters have offered favorable comparisons between the violence in Iraq and crime in American cities. In light of all that, and given the truism that actions speak louder than words, will you encourage your daughters to enlist in the military so that they too can make a heroic sacrifice and bring liberty and prosperity to the Iraqi people, while simultaneously protecting the American homeland? When answering this question please keep in mind that, according to your secretary of defense and your more obsequious supporters, serving in Iraq is like vacationing in New York.

6. Finally, Mr. President, your decision to invade and occupy Iraq in the name of ideological abstractions is more in keeping with the ideology of Leon Trotsky than the political philosophy of George Washington; your embrace of the "armed doctrine" is more Robespierre than Burke; the militarization of our country is more Sparta than Athens; your rhetoric is more Enlightenment fad than perennial truth; and your belief in the medicinal and salutary use of aggressive force is more radical than conservative. Mr. President, as Russell Kirk weeps for his country from the great beyond, how can you and your supporters in good conscience call yourselves conservatives?

October 27, 2004


Joseph Audie is a Ph.D. candidate in biophysics and a believer in the perennial philosophy, best propounded by the Dumb Ox.

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