So a homosexual "corporate trainer" was the last survivor of "Survivor," eh? And what put him over the top, according to some commentators, was his ability to forge alliances, i.e., to network — an activity that homosexuals are notorious for practicing relentlessly. The winner was even able to ally himself with a "self-confessed homophobe," the news nets say. Notice who came out on top as a result of that alliance.

That story wins The Last Ditch Microcosm Prize for A.D. 2000.

***

Meanwhile, kicking off another adventure in mainstreaming, a security guard ejected a lesbian couple from a Dodgers game for kissing each other. Dodgers management reacted with the whimpering dismay and self-abasement that oblige all normal observers of today's public scene to keep a bottle of Pepto at arm's length. A Dodgers spokesman went so far as to reveal that the ejection of the young bachelorettes ran counter to all of "Dodgers culture." People get away with saying the most ridiculous things nowadays. "Dodgers culture"! I guess that's what has replaced Western culture.

Anyhow, the Dodgers are giving the couple some free tickets and 5,000 tickets  to other "gay and lesbian" baseball fans. "Gay and lesbian" baseball fans? At first glance that sounds oxymoronic with respect to the male homosexuals, but no doubt they've learned a lesson in camouflage at the knee of more-conventional American leftists. For decades every big-dome pinko in the country has made a big deal about how much he loves baseball. It's an easy way for the fatally alien or alienated to impersonate a regular American.

The Dodgers are also sentencing their employees to sensitivity re-education camp. "Corporate trainers," call your office.

***

Two of my co-conspirators raise some good points. One asks, "Why would an ejected couple be satisfied with 5,000 tickets' being given to someone else? The promise of 'sensitivity training' suggests that there was a threat of some kind of legal action brought by deep-pocketed homosexual groups."

Although at one point they said that all they wanted was an apology, it is clear that the couple themselves were planning to sue, claiming "discrimination." Suing sounds like a disproportionate and costly means of securing a mere apology, but according to the New York Times they had their lawyer, one Bernie Bernheim, standing by.

Who else was standing by, and when they did start standing? Well, my second friend suspects it was all a setup from the beginning: "Send some people into a public place, have them behave obnoxiously, and use the reaction as an excuse for a shakedown." He points out that 5,000 tickets are worth a lot of money — and so is that contract for "sensitivity training."

"Corporate trainers," run  to your office.

***

Whether or not it was all engineered beforehand, free tickets and more work for "corporate trainers" weren't the only valuable things the sodomist campaign derived from the incident. To furnish a "money shot" for the cameras, as well as an educational scene for any little kids who might have accidentally stumbled onto the news at noon, Ms. and Ms. Lesbian performed a Deep Throat exploration on each other that was so wet that one of them actually had to wipe her lips when it was finished.

They then lost no time denying that the ejection kiss was anything like that one, leading me to suspect that this pair could teach Darva Conger a thing or two about bait-and-switch. But whether or not it resembled the original kiss, the taped kiss was, of course, the important one. It was the image with the real culture-wrecking power. It was seen by millions instead of dozens, in a context where the two people who performed it were cast in the role of persecuted heroines. Showtime and HBO must be simply green with envy. They have to spend millions of dollars producing shows that promote perversion, and here Fox News and other channels get all that hot tape for free!

***

It will be interesting to see how comfortable non-deracinated parents feel in taking their children to Dodger Stadium now. What conduct among their fellow fans will be considered grounds for ejection? I guess the only folks risking the boot will be lovers who, all passion spent, light up cigarettes.

When I speak of "perversion," by the way, I'm not castigating just homosexuals but heterosexuals as well who grope and slobber all over each other in public. There was a time when anyone  who did that risked being ejected from an arena, and rightly so, and no news cameras would cluster around to tape a reenactment, even — or especially — if it were touted as a non-reenactment reenactment. What low-down, exhibitionistic, classless jerks so many Americans have become.

September 1, 2000

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