Ron Paul’s America

Orwell’s Oceania a paradise by contrast



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Not being a voting man or even a believer in government, I usually don't pay much attention to the political hoopla, but all this yammering about Ron Paul has caught my attention, though I still may be mistaken on some of the specifics. It very much seems that Paul has brought unity to a divided country: most folks populating the linear political spectrum mandated by the punditocracy — far Left, far Right, and every shade in between — are reviling the man. And the views they attribute to Paul are absolutely diabolical. If I may, I'll sum it up in a little verse:
Gays run and hide, neocons and liberals shiver,
Here comes Ron Paul, most vicious hombre iver.
Ordinarily one wouldn't expect to see all the respectable authorities prepare such a bubbling cauldron of sulfuric acid for a man who numbers among his heroes The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior, and Fellow Traveler on the Bus of Progress Rosa Parks. But what does this tricky "Doctor" Ron Paul actually prescribe? Well, as far as I can tell, in foreign affairs he wants to eliminate the U.S. military and turn over the American nuclear arsenal to Iran. He'd also throw in some long-range missiles with their guidance systems set for Israel — a country he wants to wipe not only off the map, a la his co-conspirator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but entirely off the planet. And, of course, he preaches an absolute isolationismchillingly amoral, so unlike the present interventionism, which veritably explodes with virtue and principle — and would seal off the United States from the rest of the world, making it like China during the Manchu dynasty. (Together now, let's all cry isolationism! six times.) Gadzooks, what would befall our progressive neighbors in the Great White North?

About the only government officials remaining in Ron Paul's America would be those who'd close America's borders to prevent foreigners (or anything else, apparently) from entering. And immigrants deemed illegal would be unceremoniously thrown out. Paul's America would still allow some foreigners to become American citizens, that is as long as they could recite sections of the Constitution (Ron Paul Edition) and the Articles of Confederation, as well as lengthy excerpts from reactionary nutjob Ludwig von Mises's "treatise," Human Action. (Known adherents of Austrian economics could be excused from reciting the first two documents and permitted to focus on the third.) (By the way, notice that this "Professor" von Mises has a very German-sounding name. But as Wall Street Journal editorialist Dorothy Rabinowitz might say with a wave of her hand, we won't go into that now.)

In domestic matters, Ron Paul says he wants the country to abide by the Constitution. In fact, he takes the Constitution, as he understands it, so seriously that upon being sworn in to uphold it he would immediately call for the impeachment and removal of all members of the Supreme Court except for Anthony Scalia. Neo-Confederate Paul thinks the Constitution is comparable to the Articles of Confederation, and he repudiates some of the amendments enacted since the late War Between the States — the very revisions that transmuted the Constitution from the tattered, mud-trampled rag it had become by 1865 (thanks to those Proto-Nazi Paleo-Confederates!) into the miraculously living and breathing entity it is today. As far I can tell, he would invalidate the 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments, returning these United States to the status quo ante bellum. Slavery, the Dred Scott decision, and the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850 would once more become the law of the land.

Now, that would not make the descendants of the illegally freed slaves very happy; but their future would be a virtual Garden of Eden compared with the calamities that would befall members of other groups in Ron Paul's America. For example, with states' rights reigning supreme, Gay Americans would be in a heap of trouble since most of flyover America, AKA Appalachia-to-the-Rockies America, would immediately enact legislation in line with the proposals of that Nebraska minister who supports Paul, punishing homosexuality with death as prescribed by the Old Testament. (What would happen to the Transgendered among us hardly bears imagining.)

In seeking to abide by his strict interpretation of the Constitution, Ron Paul would eliminate all cabinet departments. Consequently, Department of Interior park lands would be sold off to the highest bidders, greedy capitalists all. Those laissez-faire running dogs would inject poisonous fracking fluid into Old Faithful in the quest for oil, while the rest of Yellowstone would serve as an ideal dump for nuclear waste. Yosemite would be metamorphosed into a giant gravel pit. Given all the rampant capitalist exploitation of natural resources, it would not take 50 years for Global Warming to destroy the planet; instead, by year four of a Paul presidency, median temperatures on Earth could be expected to reach the boiling point.

Abolishing the Department of Labor would mean the end of labor unions, allowing the cackling, moustache-twisting Robber Barons to lower workers' wages to those now prevailing in South Sudan. Dumping the Department of Education would mean total illiteracy for the masses, with only that notorious 1 percent being able to afford a private education. Even worse, the elimination of the Department of Agriculture would mean mass starvation! And, of course, there would be no Social Security, welfare, Medicare, Obamacare, or any of the other government programs that have always been necessary to sustain life for the American people.

Of course, Ron Paul would abolish the Federal Reserve System and make gold the only legal tender, which would eliminate all savings accounts in the United States.

It has not yet been claimed that this Paul character would use the meager federal funds remaining to outsource gas chambers for the usual victims, but it is quite likely that this is an unstated goal, given the language in those periodicals of a mere twenty years ago for which he served as publisher. Perhaps we should consult the eagle-eyed Philip Roth on that point.

Yes, this "Doctor" Ron Paul is an authentic Anarcho-Peace Nazi who would totally destroy the United States as we know it. Now, I may be a sworn foe of government, but I am strongly tempted to vote this time — as strongly as I was back in 1964 when all the respectable authorities warned us that Barry Goldwater would blow up the world!  Ω

January 4, 2012

Published in 2012 by WTM Enterprises.

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